Experiences and confessions

Exorcism

2012-02-15T02:50:00.000+05:30

EXORCISM
nice word naa. actually it originates from Greek rituals , it refers to the act of calling spirits, most of the times evil ones.
i wont lie to you,though i don't believe in god...(sorry Hanuman ji, u r exception dude, don't mind)i used to have fear of ghosts(logically i shouldn't believe in ghosts too), dark rooms and all. I couldn't stop myself from imagining a person, in a normal white shirt hung on hanger, if got swayed by wind on a dark night. please ignore sentence formation, writing after a long time so not in groove. was busy with GATE n all. performed lot below par though :( , will discuss it later, in dis post or not at all. so i was like ,if i had to go to toilet in night wid everybody asleep, i would whistle and say to myself ," naa bhoot woot kuch nhi hota". and soon as i was over with it, i would run to bed widout luking back. freak??? no i was normal u idiot(if only u thought me dat way, else u r awsm). ;) its just that i used to be a die hard fan of AAHAT, ANHONEE, X-ZONE...
shit i was thinking to post my facebook update as back on blogger, but i know publicising all this crap will make me thnk about d reaction of others, though i know only my frnd visit it dat too wen dey r pissed of rest of d thngs in lyf. crap EXORCISM was d title.
yeah so it refers to calling spirits in plain words. today i want to talk to myself in a very candid manner. i will talk to my spirit, rather try. scary. nope, it may be fun. i think i need to talk to myself . everybody needs at some point of their lyf. i too...do you remember i talked to myself at 80 in one post...this may also be fun...

Note: note hmm wat to writ...i was thinking to write its just fun dont take it take too deep...but i dont know even wat it will turn out, a funny one, spiritual one, frustrating one, or an unpublished post saved in draft like many.

Oye pp tum jahan bhi ho is kamare me aao...
aura of candles around d laptop(table lamp ;) )
if u have reached the table flicker the lamp...

PP: Fuck u, m not a ghost, m inside u...
me: okay, whatever lets chat...
PP: spit...
me: dear , how are you.
PP: Hmmm okay type, not very cheerful...like a normal person though.
me: How was ur GATE exam
PP: Not well, i had done 40 marks already then i wasn't able to sole an easy question n i...
me: Got it , u got nervous n all...u suck then, u preach fearlessness and big ideas, u cant control urself.
PP: hey don't get personal, yeah i regret it but i would admit i didn't prepare well and so i wasn't confident and it all adds to your self control.
me: you know 40 marks wud have easily got u a good rank, seeing the trend now...leave it, lets talk different things.
PP: yeah i promise u dear i will try my level best, its not the end, let people say wat they say...
me: dont get emotional u hav said dat hell lot of times...i would advice dont say try n all those shhit words, do it or not...whatever do it with your heart plz dear...kabil ban safalta jhak maar ke peeche aaegi...its true
PP: its 2:30 am , can we talk better things...
me: okay whats, imp for u...

PP has gone offline....
you can send him msg though...

PP is online....

me: what happened...gone for pee...
PP: no i was thinking about your question, actually i dont know. wen i was a child d most imp thing used to be cricket, whether i'll be able to bowl well or not, and then as i grew,parents made the board exams imp. n i did well , topper, dunno how??? and then the society made IITs important, free advisers made coaching important. and after that in college, friends(dont regret nythng abt friends, they are my life)made girls imp...hehe yeah it happened. n now i dont know anything...
me: no, u know...think
PP: wat???
me:what's imp now
PP: me i think its me, who's imp...
me: yup...its you,why didn't you mention father or mother anywhere...
PP: coz fucker they are a part of me n i dont see dem separately.okay. if i didnt care abt them why would i be so burdened by their expectations, why would i...
me: STOP , u r irritating , r u trying to prove u r a good son... :)
take a sip of water....
PP: okay... :)
me: yeah so what makes you happy...
PP: everything...
me: go out n eat the grass n smile..dat too will make u happy...
PP: yeah u come along but...
me: do you think u are a poet
PP: no
me: den engineer???
PP: in process, i know u must be thinking i am no good for engineering..but i'll prove you wrong dear...den i'll prove you wrong again, i'll be a poet too. n den i'll shock u fucker, i'll be a photographer...
me: hahahaha gr8 sense of humour...
PP: astonishingly rude
me: hahaha jack of all trades master of none, isn't it...hahaha
PP: no shut the fuck up...everything will have time...
me: okay i want to tell you dear...
listen i m u, n u r me...we r nothing different, smtyms its negative , smtyms positive...i want to tell you doesn't matter what you have done till now..i love you..i really do.I just have called you to tell you be cheerful. dont repeat the GATE episode again. prepared or not prepared , go out as a lion. dear u have got a life. u never used to study and u did well coz u had nothing to lose. dont expect too much from yourself try n be done with it. n m telling you why i love u even more , coz u never think bad abt anything or anybody. i know u know everything same friends who boast of every help find consolation in your sorrow. but its human nature. n u dont mind. no matter whats going inside you u can easily forget eveything talking to a puppy roadside. abe chutiye isime maze hain yaar. itna nahhi sochte. maze kar...try again...but find joy in evrything you chose to do coz all that matters in the end is the road...manzilen to chalawa thi mazzaa to raasto me aaya...
PP: theek hai yaar, but sometimes i feel i m no more like old pp...
me: dont bring in the third character, old pp...i know wat u go thru...oye its just concentration. tu sochta hai 10 din me 15 ghnte padh k sab khatam kar dunga..aisa nhi hota...
PP: ama hatao...neend aa rhi hai...i m entering inside you, n i'll try not to be negative anymore...
me: and one more thing,u got one lyf...live it ur way...bt jeans dho lena it stinks now....
PP: anything more...
me: haan, today was valentine's day n u went for adult movie in priya with frnds..tu itna tharki hai saale....
PP: nope, just for fun...whatever its there its till the cinema hall...life me isse bhi imp chheze hoti hain...
me: jaise ki love...hahaha karega...fir se...
PP: yeah but lemme be worth for it first...isse bhi imp cheeze hoti hain...
me: aur kya bhai...
PP: RESPONSIBILTY
me: haha spiderman ka asar...wid gr8 power comes gr8 responsibilty...
PP: whatever this word is powerful.
me: to aa jaa bhai bakchodi kar rha hai ab...hakuna matata...let's be carefree and responsible at d same tym...no more...

....disconnected

EXORCISM

hi

2010-08-31T18:07:00.002+05:30

Hi I am writing again after a long time…not because I was out of thoughts but coz I was messed up by hell lot of thoughts. And every thought was a contradiction of last one. may be I wanted a better start since I am writing after a long time. But no…this time I am not writing to prove anything. I am just writing because writing eases me. Past few months I was using facebook to vent my thoughts or fucking philosophies, but now I think blogger is a better mean. Though the best is to write in a diary but I have left that at home…okkkkk….irritating…i know this post is sounding irritating but its easing for myself. I am telling you this post will not conclude with any meaningful thought so if u r a busy person plz say a good bye…..
Aaah wat to tell..there are few things which I really want to share wid somebody but doing that will aggravate d prblm, so I think its better to bury them and move on. But still since I am here after a long time I will share few things so that I can use them as bookmark when I want to look back into my life in later part of my life. Honestly speaking I want to write lot but I don’t want to be called a fucking philosopher or in plain words bakchod. I know I am here for engineering and not to observe inanimate things and finding emotions in them. But I cant help its natural for me I think. And about engineering I don’t say I don’t like it , actually it was always my dream to be a good engineer, but I never knew there is a new trend of engineer cum diplomat cum bureaucrat cum presenter cum dude cum…and don’t know how many things. Honestly speaking I don’t want to study to get good marks so that I can get a good job in mnc no matter what things I have to do, not at all concerned with the things I studied for four years . if I study I want that to be relevant in later part of my life. And I know I am just dreaming , talking ideal things. I know you must be thinking to just slap me and say be practical….but…you know I know everything…I suppose….yet I do the things which I shouldn’t do.
That’s it…….that was frustrating parag…  now I think I am normal…. Actually I too advice everybody about lot of things but when it comes to myself I am lost. I make presentations of mechanical branches take interest in c programs, search circuit diagrams on google to repair my subwoofers…do the practicals with intent…..yet I am not engineer coz when it comes to lapace integration differentiation mathematical treatment of theories I suck. I know d mathematical treatment is d only tool to prove validity of these theories after practicals. But …………..may be I just don’t want to make effort…may be after completing btech I may realize btech was my cup of tea I never tasted coz of d fear of it being salty…I don’t know…….
One more thing you might be thinking I am frustrated most of d tyms..but it aint true . actually I write only when I am in mess…when I am happy..most of d times…coz I don’t need big reasons for a silly smile…even a 5 rs ice candy can do for me…I don’t write when I am normal…
Now I am telling you the reason for these fucking thoughts. Yesterday I met a junior…a fresher… I had met him in lucknow through my friend cp earlier. He was having problem in adjusting in a hostel he had allotted. He wanted to leave that. He had already deposited 10k rs there . and the owner wasn’t returning the amount and rightly so coz he had a bond signed by his father that with some fucking terms and conditions. He was willing to live in my hostel forbidding that amount. I am not too much in profit loss things but living outside home for 3yrs I have realized money may not be motivation for you but its obviously a necessity and 10k is not a penny. So I asked him his problems in that hostel. He said loneliness , boys abuse , smoke. He was having problem in adjusting with them and was apprehensive dat his 10 or 15 days may get wasted….fuck. just a one word I thought about him…nautanki…I talked to his father too to explain him that his problems weren’t real. But he too wasn’t willing to understand coz …..i don’t want to explain nything now….just that… in the end I was able to make both of them understand rather three of them I talked to his mother too. But in consoling them I had to take d responsibility of his studies  as if I am a topper. But I can explain you anything just gimme the book…okkkk but the worst thing wasn’t this. In explaining the boy..i said few rather many ideal things…which when I later thought and..i was like…phir se jhantu philosophies…I said many things like…for 18 years ur father was lukin aftr u..it was his duty to make you happy..now its over dear nw the things have to be reciprocated…now u have to do the things to make them happy. If u will tell home about ur problems they will just get tensed without any solution…try to adjust…try to do things ur own way. And later I was like shittttttttttttt….though I take my decisions by myself don’t blame others for nything…but honestly I don’t think much about home…otherwise I wud have studied…and many more things…I don’t want to repeat them I am again getting dat mood..i wanted to share many things…but I think its enough for a sound sleep for several days. I have dumped lot of fucking thoughts though the text may show little there was lot in my mind which has nw been vented. U have to read between the lines……………………………………
Bye
It was mess…I confess…….

Train or Rain........dunno....

2010-04-15T00:49:00.002+05:30

Hi after long time I am again writin a post. Actually I had written a few in between bt didn’t post them.
One was about love but I deleted that post as it was a bit early for me…that post was about the experiences of my friends of love, not mine…I’ll post a new one if I get into such stuff…though it doesn’t seem so in near future….m not willing to fall in lov…i hav to first get control of myself then I can think about luv…I’ll not extend it further coz m thinking I am nt being honest here……… waise it doesn’t mean I don’t look at girls…I too had few crushes…haahaahaa ;)
I was reading a novel brought by golu (ajitesh)…I don’t remember exactly what was it’s name ‘kiss in the rain’ or something lyk that by some ‘chakraborty’ from assam…sorry yaar m not insulting you dude…you have already given a bestseller …its just I have a weak memory. He had written many things about love and sex and I found few lines really interesting…I don’t remember them even now…sorry…fcuk… but idea behind telling you this was that I am too willing to try my hand on short stories or short descriptions…waise this is not the apt time as I am just few days behind my presemesters and I still have no books…neither 4m library nor my own…forget it….so I just wanted to tell you my next post will be a short story….don’t miss it….fcuk…I know , I know u are a busy person…I just write to ease myself 4m confusion…don’t lyk don’t read…
Okkkk now I am going to write about any random topic….jst 4 practice ;) okkkk any word rain ,train, cloud ,you ,me , lucknow , Allahabad, Kanpur…….lets take train….actually I am writing during day time so I am not able to concentrate that much…yet I’ll try……
TRAIN
Train…the word itself brings trains of memories, memories of happiness, sadness, meeting , departure, smiles , tears, hope, despair…. I still remember those nights in my summer vacations when I had to catch the ganga gomti train at 5:30 am in the morning for Allahabad to visit my nani and dadi’s place… my father used to tell everyone to sleep early so that they could rise early and be in time at charbagh station…but I just used to close my eyes and start imagining the journey and Allahabad, sangam, that bridge over ganga….and all…everytime I would think not not to sleep so that there was no tension to rise up…as rising early has always been my weakness and it continues till now…always late in the first class if attended lol. you must be knowing u can escape ur teacher’s stare sitting at the back seat, or a girl’s glimpse of you when you were gazing her intently but later pretending as nothing happened but dear you can’t escape sleep specially during 3 to 4 am time...
The two things have always been very special in my life-rain and train…. When I was a child and had to travel I would always imagine sitting on a window seat and clouds overhead raining heavily…I would just imagine roaring clouds over me and big drops of rain falling over the top of train n making a beautiful intermittent sound…awesome…as if nature has sent its best rock band to the earth …waise rain and train happened together just thrice for me…once when I was leaving Kanpur after leaving d hostel , second when I was visiting allahabad for the last time till date and third when I was visiting Ghaziabad for the first time…every moment was special and touching….fuck….
Train….it also helped me realize that I have become grown up now…earlier if I didn’t get the window seat the entire journey was mess for me…now I don’t give a damn thought about it…even sitting on suitcase beside the toilet with a waiting reservation ticket works…and neither leaving the initial place brings tears nor destination brings smile…jst neutral…hahahaha just wrote hahaha to deviate 4m this mood…sometimes it works…most of the times not…..didn’t understand..i did ;)
Train…whether I had been adventurous or sheer foolish I don’t know but I have few deadly ;) experiences with train too… both of the experiences during visit to Kanpur…till date its hell 4 me…Kanpur took everything out of me…my belief in me, my self confidence but gave me very good friends…really happy for that…thanx Kanpur ,I’ll be back at you bt this time it will be better parag with more strength…then I’ll do the same things which I did that one year…bt the difference would be no one will call me astray…I visited coachings as I had to give guest lecture once a week…n chemistry leave it… okkkkk so where was i….ofcourse in the hostel…once when I was travelling by the local train to visit Kanpur I had a lilltle brawl…whose cosequences may have been big…I was just sitting on the stairs at passage to the train…I usually used to catch the local…not because…hmmm not only because it was cheap bt also it was adventurous…not recommended for female passengers…bhai log are always lukin for chances ;) …. then at ajgain(station)a policeman arrived and told me to get inside…It was jam packed inside and I provided him the passage 2 gt inside…bt he refused and insisted me to shift inside…then bhai saab said bhdk andar chal… I am telling you friends sometimes I am not able to control myself…in the childhood it was a big problem…though I have controlled myself now to a great extent…in fact few think I wont say a word even when m slapped…no dear I was born on 2nd October bt my ideals are bhagat singh and ‘azad’….. bt it spurts out when I am pushed to the extreme…he said that word again n again…I replied to him madar….d gaali kaise di….yeah u guessed it right he pushed me 4m chest I punched him on shoulder…he pushed me out of the train rather running train…train had departed just few seconds ago bt it was electric train so had got a little speed…I rose up and started running towards d train…bt I thought for what…???? What I was going to do he was a policeman and that too in dress(I dunno bt hav heard this dialogue thousands of tym…tumne ek wardi wale police pe hath uthaya…fuck) I sat there for 1 hr under a tree till another local arrived….i am not going to tell u the second incident…its getting heavy…..byeeeeeeeeeee Kanpur I’ll fuck u as u fucked me…I’ll visit u again bt I’ll not b the same…and then I’ll visit those lanes….those roads…that hostel again…and that too with vodka n choti gold….hahahahaha….m a dreamer…..and dreams come true….
I was writing to ease myself but it has backfired….
Okkkkk I’ll write some stupid poem to end this stupid post…gimme da topic….girl,tree,barsat, book, EMEC…………ohhhhhhhhh m ending this m feeling sleepy…so need to watch a film ;)
Bye……..i dare u to visit second time…….

Special Diary Entry

2010-02-18T00:37:00.001+05:30

Few days past i had seen a new feature buzz in gmail, there webpages entry was required in profile. I just put my blog address in that. I saw my last post appearing on that....so i am apprehensive that this might too surface there. Though blogger n buzz both r public forums bt writin on buzz means making people read u forcefully coz they automatically make u follower....
Okkk lets dump the feelings now, enough apology..yep from last few days since i returned 4m lko i ws feeling something was missing, bt i couldn't make it out. Just few hrs ago i ws getting ready 2 clear the area underneath my bed. Everybody was cheerful abt that coz it has jst bcum a mysterious place. Anything could b found in that debris...bt the first thing i found ws my diary and also it ws the last thing as i stopped there. Enough catch 4 a single day :-) . Slowly i realized it ws my diary which was a missing thing. Actually lot many things happened in lko this time which i needed to share. These were nt very conspicuous yet moving . I mean if i take a person and ask him to listen to me..he won't endure more than 4 a min coz those things would mean nothing to him. This visit to lko took me to the time when i ws 11 or 12. I met those friends this time with whom i played cricket in may, june with sun overhead and swirls of dust always around. I just can't think how we were able to do that. We just knew minimum and sufficient condition 4 cricket was a ball and a bat. This time seeing that park rather place coz a house has now been constructed there, it felt really sad. As if i lost someone very close. U shouldn't laugh yaar, sometimes u try to recollect the things by ur own and sometimes u are dragged to the lanes of memories by some incident. Later is very prounounced coz its involuntary. Haan yaar...wo park 2 taraf se gharo se aur baki 2 taraf se sadako se ghira tha. It had narrow drains too at its two sides towards road. I still remember if our ball used to go in those drains, we wouldn't blink a second b4 we took it out and throw it towards runner side to save a run. It ws as easy as takin out ball 4m pocket. Ofcourse cricket ball. Also just crossing the there was a small tea shop...say it gumti...gazab yaar saali puri film chalne lgi...u might b thinking road was interference 4 us bt actually bhai it ws just lyk extension to our park, coz dat road ws b/w two colonies and wasnt busy those days. We used to put a fielder jst infront of gumati. Ek bhut budhi si aunty thi us gumati me. I jst remember jab unke husband ki death hui thi(must hav been at 75-80). They used to live in a small house below a peepal tree..also they had a well in their house...shit how many balls that well engulfed. Haan to jab he died we were whispering yaar galat hua, phir koi puchta hai ab to gumati hat jaaegi naa yaar....
Par wo nahi hati, shayad logo k liye cricket se bhi zyada zaruri ko cheeze hoti hai...par hame to nhi lagta tha...us time..Khair we always had a fielder there and also strict rules. Didn't matter how many bounces , even if rebounced 4m boundary u were given out if ur ball touched dat gumati. And the punishment of fielder ws to go near to that gumati to take d ball and hear some soothing words...and if it directly bounced in her gumati hittin some packets of bread n all...then obvious remedy ws to run in opposite direction as fast as u can. I was searching that gumati too. Didn't found, i ws askin abt that lady too. Didn't got the information...saali gumati hat gai, hum bhi hat gae...
Just adjacent to dat park ws a mysterious house..saala murge wala ghar...murga tha ya murgi pta to nahi chala par tha khatarnak. At that time it was a modest house, bt giving a haunted look as there used to live a lady or few other i don't remember clearly yaar. Par kahani ye thi ki jahan hamari ball jaati thi wahan ek murga pala hua tha. Murgi rahi hogi coz she had a plant in 'gamla' jiski har tehni k end me egg ka shell latka rehta tha..saala 16 saal tak to yhi sochta rha ki kaun se ped se ande nikalte hain..yep that murga ,bhai what to tell it was terrorist bastard. We also had a house just opposite to batting end which had a dog...snow...par yaar murge k saamne wo anda tha bhodi. I remember once when i was sitting on the wall of murge wala ghar with my one leg hanging inside that house that murga just jumped and almost clutched to my feet. I survived with few bruises lolzz no really bhai u should hav seen that murga. Saala aawaz nikalte hue daudate hue aata tha jaise gaaliyan dete hue aa rha ho. There were many interesting characters in our group. I am not going into that. Bt this time meeting those people just dragged me off my feet to a known forgotten world...this tym i was seeing everything in lko with reference to that time...it all looked a new world.we had our fav place bada talab where there were small plants..kehte the ye paudhe bade ho jaaenge to bhut maza aaegi...hahaha kya pta the ped k saath hum bhi bade ho jaaenge..5000charcan't write more 4 mob

Hi

2010-01-10T03:28:00.004+05:30

Hi..seen the title..must have already understood its going to be another arrow in infinity. Don't go buddy i just wanna tell u few things...phew..nothing..refresh
Yes..it is my exam time. I am enjoying this break or this night as my next xam is of ADE on 12th. I know i'll regret wasting this time when i'll study entire previous night before my xam..bt can't help..i am stubborn..plz don't go with spellings m typing on mobile. Bhawnao ko samjho. Even jokes have dried up. Shit if my state wasn't already low, this fucking song awarapan banjarapan is being played right now on big fm. Though i like this song bt its vry catchy when u r happy it will just take u to peace bt when u r already at war in minds it would just fuel it..no...
So i wanted to tell abt last few days held in ma life..i don't know if 5000 characters capacity would b enough to flood the crap out of my mind..never mind i'll write two posts 4 it. So on 29th was my first xam. B4 that we had presems..in my last post i described them as hell but going by the present state it wasn't even near to that...rather it was close to good times.i bought 4 books in 6 days of my presems..i don't know how but i miraculously survived those presems with overnight study. Survived nay rather got better marks than first cts. I studied overnight with good concentration i think, learning lot of new things each day. I don't know how many terabytes of knowledge i grasped in those six days..actually few subjects were very interesting..just take d example of ade...i studied amplification with feedback...many feedback topologies. Earlier i never realized why a nokia headset would cause 450 rs while a similar fake one for just 20. Though quality of wires used in former was lot better bt not better enough to compensate 4 dat high price. I got da ans there. I don't know what time was it..may be 2:30 am..i mean we use lot of microcircuitary for cutting the noise signals using negative feedback. this negative feedback increases the bandwidth(range of operation of frequency) as well as reduces distortions producing crystal clear sound.So no wonder why it had dat cost. Also branded items are liable to lot of taxes..fuck...sorry..
I am telling u i really enjoyed studying lot of new machines in emmi , working of turbines, engines and pump too. with pump i remember ,earlier i was trying to make a water pump, when i was in lucknow, as the pressure of our supply was very low. i was trying to do it with the help of cooler pump. i am not trying to tell m innovative...actually it sucked...coz it was neither air tight..nor.... i was using a poly bag to connect the outlet of our supply with the inlet to pump. that polythene always collapsed and no pressure could be created. yet i fucker was trying to do it again and again. It was another thing i couldn't remember all during exam but overall it was quite exciting experience of presemestes. I even found out a thing for which i was disagreeing wid ma teacher and my classmater were laughing and urging to sit to raise point on such an easy concept of guard wire...but actually i was right but found out very late...in my presems when classes were over. Overall happy experience...but yaar when it came to semesters it wasn't such

don't go with grammar

One thing more u might b thinking(only if u r a stranger) i am try to prove m intelligent. No buddy i am telling u da difference naa..how i pulled of things elegantly in presems in a single night..even when there were no gaps in between...
Actually dear u know this mind is a very complex n powerful thing...u can do lot of things by just fooling it , or taming it. Its just like a dog which when tamed works 4 u and may also destruct u if gone wild. By destruct i meant 'bite'..i wrote destruct as if dog were a missile..fuck..
Wait i am telling u .. During presems my mind was my faithful personal computer(with fucking speed...thanks to skd..its not a pun..i am really thanking)..i would sit in night making it happy by telling that i was going to download lot of data today in it. It became very happy and used to give lot of writing speed. I wouyld just sit and read lot of things of which i remembered very less for exams in the morning but enough to get through...
Not only this i even used spirituality to turn winds in ma direction. Everyone believes(or should believe) in god. But i don't..actually i can't credit god for this world. If he was a creator why doesn't he steps in when humanity degrades...fuck..i just mean i can't consider god as a supreme power..but yeah..i can accept him as my friend with warmth...so i decided to chose a friend of lot of gods...there were lot but there was tie between hanumaan ji and shiv ji. Both have extravagant personality...but i decided to go with hanuman ji...since with him there will be no issues about girls. So hanuman ji became my friend in presems. I AM TELLING U WHY I DECIDED TO HAVE HANUMAN JI AS A FRIEND. Not because i wanted a powerful person who might feed everything in ma mind or make my ways lucky. But because i wanted a Dumb fellow who didn't know anything abt engg and i could explain him things. U know when u are trying to make somebody understand u hav the greatest concentration. And considering period of hanumaan ji he must be dumb about these dumber subjects.Always he must be knowing is 'Sanskrit Shlokas'. But friends r always special.. I used to tell him things very minutely nd in detail..and he responded very well...

Well well... i have stretched a bit long but yet its not near to things that i wanna tell u. On this screen of my mobile just few lines are shown so can't even predict how much crap i have poured in. But one thing sure its not 5000 chars since its ma mobile capacity.

Six days with four new books and two books 4m library yet not painful experience.
NO miracle....coz i had nothing to lose then...but coming to these fuckin semester exams...bhai i started well..but now the things have gone absurd...
I tackled the first exam of material science in two nights...then came the real villain...thermal and hydraulic macchines...actually i have again stated feeling low as i am remembering that. Yaar i had reserved last two units for the last night...by this i mean i had very slight idea of those two(thanks to presems). but the real tragedy happened...i slept at 12 at set the alarm for 2 am...but i woke up at 8 am in the morning. When i woke up i just felt like crying...uhhh boys don't cry...they just...**************************

sorry it was horrible experience bhai, all these crap was coming naturally. Yeah so what happened in exam...it was theory from last two units and rest 3 unit almost numerical with no choices. Though i had studied and understood the things well...but bhai when it comes to numericals you need practice...i am not that sharp to do the numericals with just theory. There are lot of obstacles yaar...remebering formulae, remebering the names...for example i could do a problem of turbine and jet with just impulse momentum equation...but i just got confused in hell lot of angles, blade angle, inlet angle, nozzle angle...they all just seemed same.... fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

It was bad and very bad and m really worried..not because of fear of bad marks..they are bound to come...but whether i would pass in that...i can't even leave it on god and let worries fly off me...coz i don't believe in god. That's why i say bhai....Believe in god...believe in miracles...suck

it took all confidence out of me..confidence to get through in one night...it hampered my preparations for later exams..i am not trying to give an excuse...i already told you the effect of mind conditioning...par phir bhi..i suppose i'll get through later exams...

there are lot of things but i have started feeling low...so bye...but please bhai log just pray for me...next time i'll definitely concentrate in class...it's my one of many new year resolutions...i'll come to resolutions in later post...

tab tak k liye

jai Hind

pass kara de bharat mata...independece day par jhanda fehrata hun....

Unusual Chat With Someone

2009-12-16T23:14:00.000+05:30

hi its around 3 am and i am typing on my friend vishwendra's laptop.first thing its nothing about any particular topic...its just one of many soliloquoys unexpressed but this one expressed...soliloquoy...hmmm i read that word in julius caesar

today i really feel very relaxed because i am just done with my presemesters. like lot many exams it was again very adventurous.actually this was one one of the experiences which i want to note so as to take lesson and not repeat the mistakes in future...just joking yaar...i have become accustomed to waking up in night due to my last six days happenings...its 3:05 am and i think i can still stretch my eye balls for another hour..i don't know if the last expression 'stretching the eye ball' successfully conveyed to you the meaning forcibly waking up...shit..koi nahi shuru to huaa...

okkkk...last six days...7th december to 12th december...to describe in a single word...hell
they were my presem days. i had went home for preparing and returned just 2 days before the exams. leave alone preparation i couldn't even buy the books there.waise no regrets i spent quality time there. as i returned to hostel i could sense the smell of books everywhere. I could feel the void before thunderstorm. there were two days still left for the exams and few had aleady started studying the subject on first day of exams.though i was laughing with my friends sitting there at 'dhaba' but inside i was shrinking. to even reduce the volume one of them asked...'koi masti nahi bata kine subject kiye, bina kuch padhe to tu fail ho jaaega'. i said none and gave them the proof that i didn't have the book. it wasn't that their thought about my preparations could do any good to my preparations but in the bad circumstances ,if there are people around you who undersand your problem, is a bit relief even if they don't console you directly...ufff i stated that as if it was some tsunami type tragedy but it was indeed...

i know i will read this later, even though its crap,when i will leave the college and at that time time this will be like photographs of these events, also when i will cross the age of 30,40 or 80(not more than that ,i wanna die young and 80 isn't too old yaar) its other thing i will need microscope at 80 to read all this...oops where was i...as i say...ofcourse in the hostel...
heyyy my readers please can i just write a few lines contemporary to the years when i'll become 80...
so the few lines to follow are relevant to me at 80, i mean...need not to explain...i know what i mean...its for me

yeah so parag at 80...how does it feel, how do you do, i mean can u still run very fast,now you are straining your eyes on this palm top reading this 60 years old post, earlier you used to finish a book in a single day??? how does it feel dear parag at 80 and yes how are your friends, are they all intact, its very good you quit smoking 60 years before and see even at 80 you seem to be a strong man..do you know the time u were writing this post you were in your dirty room, the room beside 'muskan' restaurant and wearing the same jeans which you washed just once in your third semester and that too accidentally. Must be feeling very nostalgic i think. do You remember , before writing this post you had watched two movies back to back...paa and twilight. paa...the same one with auro...twilight...vampires....
You have forgotten every thing yaar...no yaar...but sir...you are 80 ,reading this post and i was 20 while writing this post.
So parag at 80 really tell me do you miss your life at 20?
do you remember your careless days, unplanned travels, one night preparation
do you remember all your college and school mates?
do you remember all your girlfriend's names??
don't worry if you don't remember this....coz i don't think you had any.....
do you remember how brutally you killed time but later became a stable person(may be after 3rd sem)...
One thing more do you want to go back at 20 at wanna make some changes in your previous life???
please tell me if u want...coz it will get changed...i am here at 20 to do the changes..you at 80 will see them...
Don't worry dear whatever you did was good because it was done by you...also a journey without obstacles is worthless...
so dear parag at 80...how it feels to move your legs so heavily...considering you could walk miles without exhaustion when you were 20...its life don't worry
now you say 'hey raam' while going to bed never knowing which sleep might turn out your eternal sleep..do you remember what things you would imagined on bed when you were 20...if you don't...koi nahi its of no use to you.
Now you start shivering in rain but do you remember when you were 20 you didn't miss any rain, even in winters...you were lucky when you were 20...
Now sitting here staring at the window you must be thinking it was just heaven, a world full of obstacles yet opportunities. You are realizing now that you were wasting time if you were thinking about past when you were 20...coz everything becomes 'past' one day...and if you waste your present time, it becomes a painful past...wasting doesn't mean not doing study...it means not doing anything...just try to find the meaning of your every moment...

Shit utter chaos......i am just ending it here. I have lost track of my mind. I don't know i am 20 or 80. But one thing for sure : ITS BETTER TO IMAGINE YOURSELF IN FUTURE AND THINK WHAT CHANGES YOU CAN MAKE IN PRESENT TO REACH THAT FUTURE , THAN JUST PEEPING IN THE PAST AND THINKING ABOUT THE CHANGES YOU COULD HAVE MADE IN PAST WHICH YOU CAN'T CHANGE NOW.
Real life doesn't support UNDO command........

I am ending this......it was fun talking to myself at 80...seemed quite satisfied person...and why not...he had got a beautiful past...which is my present.

I'll try to live better...thanks parag at 80...now you go to sleep...if you have to change anything in your past just come in my dream...i'll do it for you...hmmmmmmm nice Time Machine

Bye, will try to write something worthy next time...but it was...
Never stop imagining....

Take care...parag at 80...

Parag

Life: Stop Analyzing it...just live it

2009-11-19T12:54:00.000+05:30

Hi..straight to the point. I am writing from mobile again, i will leave very soon. This post is nothing but my frustrated thoughts. The syllabus is almost complete the classes are almost over and i have a single book. I don't even have the library card, i left that home in lucknow. I don't know till now whether i'll complete the post and publish it or just leave it saved in drafts like many. Actually the problem is i am not feeling that urge, any strong force to study. I know that force is accumulating its strength and will pounce upon me all of a sudden. But that force will just be the pressure. I mean i will study in the end because i have to clear the semesters without any back. That's ok. But yaar i want to study for enjoyment , knowledge too. Fuck :) the most suitable word at this time. I have lot of crap in ma mind...sorry...
Sorry again bhai...please dont mind..i am just writing to ease myself 4m the terrible studies rather thoughts of studies. It seems that study is a variable defined in the class 'thoughts' only , no scope outside that. What a shity pity joke yaar... Today again i'll try to wake up at 4 am. The problem with rising up early is the fuckin thought...uth bhi gaya to kya kar lunga. Less inspiration to wake up but lot of inspirations to keep lying in the bed.
Please dont think i am behaving as a frustrated person now. I am not. Its still more than a month for my externals. Come and watch me in externals. I look like the most qualified person for noor manzil. Again a horrible joke. Hey but it wasn't a joke it was reality. Actually the month of exam is like an adventure. i come to know lot of new things. Sometimes when i encounter some interesting topic i get stuck in that whether it has got weightage of marks or not. Whatever ultimately i am able to clear it.
I really want some disgracing comments on this post so that i think twice before writing such crap.

Actually dude i don't know about your state now...u must be cursing me for wasting your precious time...precious time...haha...as if bill gates visits this page...none other than my fcuknig friends...but i have really got relaxed , venting my holy ___ thoughts.
What the shit i have wrote all over. Going by the topic the post had to be about life. But it also says not to analyze it just live it. That's why i am not analyzing it ,just draining it.
Hey friends m happy again...i have regained myself...feels good having switched to lighter version of myself. Really yar i tell you sometimes i behave in such a way that later i couldn't justify myself why i did so..........
and now i want to end this pathetic post by some happy happy thoughts.

lets end it like this. Always find some alternative to solutions if solutions seem difficult but just don't give up...what a crap naa. You might be thinking few lines before i was crying for my studies them why i didn't apply my theory and get out of it. Actually i did apply yaar...the solution to that problem was of course taking the book and start studying but the real solution was difficult as i wasn't really in the mood to study. So if had slept without studying, without doing anything and with the disgusting thoughts of not studying, i would have ruined the sleep as well as morning. But see now, killing the time, spending hear shitty pity time, i am fine, thinking i have done something better than nothing and will also sleep cozy thinking that i would wake up early and study...but...you know morning is a completely different scenario. All the thoughts get washed away in that deep blue sky of night. Shit i'll not utter a word about morning now...even though i am not able to wake up in the morning but at the time of going to bed in night i have full confidence that i'll wake up...and now when i am analyzing it , its appearing as if i fool myself every night...yeah that's why i say naa..stop analyzing it...just live it...fcuk...
Think about it
I am ending it but lets take few more examples of how alternatives to solutions can work if solutions are difficult. In my lovely language Hindi you call it as jugaadh....it works manytimes yaar.....lets take some scenarios....

You have smelly socks...i mean smelling like hell(trying to provide u the condition that they can't be used again...i know u can tolerate lighter versions of smell) , so what will u do...try the newspaper...just wrap it around ur legs as if u are packing a brand new legs and put them in ur shoes, tighten the laces and tear the extra part...for fancy u can use the page 3 featuring something hot or sports page(people wearing adidas shoes)... :)

Second scenario:You need to brush your teeth, u have just few minutes left 4 college..and u r not able to find ur toothbrush. You can't leave it like that coz u can't even eat anything since u are gettin late...eating something takes all the left over particles of ur mouth to ur stomach and with that smell also vanishes even if u don't brush the teeth...
Try using a bigger brush , the shaving brush but before usin it wash it with toothpaste 4 once..it will not only be quick but also u'll not need tounge cleaner... Caution:do not go with even bigger brushes...

Scenario3: u have black shoes and they aren't polished. Even your trouser has reached its dirt holding capacity and rubbing shoes on them don't work...try applying oil over them..hair oil or edible oil...even refined oil will do great...check out da instant shine...

Scenario4: you are sitting in an objective exam. The questions seem to u california and answers saadatganj...don't worry. Look at the questions as if some magic will happen..ofcourse it will not. So leave da questions. Come directly to the options n try to find odd one out..that is ur answer...believe me dude it works...believe me i have qualified many objective exams by this theory eg NTSE, NDA and many others yaar...i am not praising myself..i am telling you the real key to success...i know this is not praise since its owing my little successes to the 'jugaadh' or say luck...hudududud...leave it
Caution: Though it works but i can't guarantee you success always by this method. Please...successful people like bill gates..enjoy my post but don't apply it in your business... :)
its just for novices....kehte hai naa doobte ko tinke ka sahara..and my theory is that straw(tinka)....waise i believe a drowning person can't get any benefit by a straw..its just a false hope..in addition he drowns that 'tinka' too...
don't believe...just ask my friend mayank..he was drowning in gomati river even whwn their were lots of straws(tinke)...... :)

will discuss more scenarios later.

Sorry and thanks...take whatever applies to you...

Don't believe me , try to study yaar.......
Bye,will annoy you soon

Nothing to do....so doing typing practice

2009-11-07T14:13:00.000+05:30

hi friends,,,hmmmm i am back....and this time i am not typing from mobile..so its a ease...actually i don't want to write anything but i don't have to do anything in hostel too...at this hour of time most of the mates are busy in either study,bathing,room cleaning and other pending works..i have no such issues, coz i'll start my study tonight and even if i couldn't i can't study during day time...its total waste of time...i am saying all this about studies but don't get the impression that i wanna make a style statement...i mean..'yo buddy..i don't study and i am cool'...nothing of that sort. I say i don't study but i am not proud saying all this..take it this way like..its just a bad phase for studies in my life...not finding it interesting..
Pause dude don't just exaggerate the things....i have lot of time...

the above para was a complete waste lets start afresh....
So what to write coz i have to,i can't simply end it somewhere in the middle or start. You people must be wondering why do i write this blog and all...even if i don't have the topics , simply because i would like to relive these days of uncertainty , carelessness , anxiety,ambiguity again, when i would become a famous personality...joke.. i just wrote the word 'joke' very quickly after completing that line because the suspense(that i thought that way really or joke) was killing me even. When i was a child i had a belief, when i reached 17 or 18 i had a doubt , and now at 20 again i have a belief. The first belief was that i would be a renowned person, later the doubt was whether i would be , and now the belief is i won't.

Fuck....i messed it again. the above paragraph got very complex. later while reading even i might have to think what i was thinkin at that time. please don't think i have become very bad mouthed person, uttering mc,bc all the time...that word fuck is magical..it releases all the tension..hmmmm like a ram booster...killing the unnecessary processes in your mind...

I m writing lot of crap today because i'll start my studies from today, and then i will become 'eid ka chand' for netlab. Waise i have been trying to study since last week but this time i am getting lots of positive vibes...fuck(refresh command :)

ok let me tell u about today's happenings..i had participated in several competitions , gk quiz, c( the language) quiz, and click a pic..i won't extend it much. for the two quizzes i got late even though i woke up at 9:30 am on the holiday and in click a pick it was a team of three persons. they had to click the pics according to instructions...it was fun participating but we didn't win. but i always say " manzilen to chalawa thi maza to raasto me aaya."

heyy i haven't posted my poem till now so i am posting it now...it would be a nice end to this post...

MANZILEN TO CHALAWA THI.....

sadko par chalte hue mere ander bulandiyon ka sapna samaya,
mehnet ki pareshaniyan jheli, har tarah se khud ko aazmaya.
jab pahuncha manzil par to sannata, tanhai aur dusra raasta paya,
dukh hua itna sab karke maine ye kamaya....
phir mai ruka gaur kiya aur paya...
manzilen to chalawa thi, mazaa to rasto me aaya.....

Paraphrasing

May be you don't get what i aws trying to say, so i am just writing one or more lines for each line above...don't get bore...take out some popcorn...fcuk

The first line is related to every body, while we are nothing we always dream to be on top.....

once the dream cements in our heart we try everything to live up that dream or just say we do lot of hard work to achieve that goal...

And when you have done your bit obviously,success is yours.at that moment you think you have done lot of hard work to get that success and you feel happy. but the real tragedy happens now...life never stops..neither due to failure nor with success. The next moment you will again feel void, something missing, something intriguing and you will see new ways reaching to even greater heights than yours. so what will you do now...choose a new path..chase the new dreams..climb a new height..and all this with a heavy heart to get that momentary happiness....

alas you will feel very sad coz you must have realized by the time now that no height is the highest....

but with a little more introspection you will realize it wasn't just the inspiration of your aim that was getting you go...but the little moments of happiness throughout your journey to your goal......

That's it..the little message was try to enjoy the journey..because 90 percent of life is the journey itself. i left 10 percent for childhood and retirement... :)
but don't think that goals are in conspicuous..after all you will choose a road only if ends somewhere.....

Dhondu, just chill..
have fun...bye

The Sine Curve

2009-10-30T15:00:00.002+05:30

Heyy party people yo...how did u find the last line...like sound of guitar from harmonium..
Nothing yaar, i started without any purpose..actually i was trying to change myself 4 few days bt i realized i am at ease when i am myself,and also i just listened to the song of late michael jackson, 'they don't care about us'. It just certified no one has time to think abt u ,do whatever u like. Its your life and u shouldn't waste it in imitating others. Half of the life is wasted in planning things and .....okk
I'll stop there i got the second warning of low battery n i think there is lot of fuckin stuff to write abt life. So i'll preserve it for later posts.
Yap, the title 'sine curve'. Its my life, actually its everybody's life.
I don't have much to write. OK I'll try to revise few things. Please don't panic next time I'll write something better next time surely...actually i had fever 4m few days so...okk no excuse...
So its 4 am and i am awake not because of any reasons of study. I had taken many English songs from ma friend in lko and i started listening to them at 2:00 am thinkin they would make me fall asleep,but they were too good,especially you're beautiful. Before that i listened to wicked hour on air fm rainbow at 1 . I hav to attend my lab in the morning so I'll not waste any time. I'll end it soon.
I was just thinking abt different phases of my life. When i was a child i used to ask my father what's the use of these text books. He never told me that they were for cramming and gettin good marks bt told that those were the teachings one should learn. And so i thought. Be good,help others,be honest and many more things which can surely screw ur life. Really yaar it doesn't work many times. But still m happy how i manage the things in a bad or worse way...let it be.
Now i have applied vicks over my chest and neck and its feeling very cozy in blanket. When i got 93 percent marks in 10th it was the biggest surprise for me,and ntse interview too, n nda too...wow yaar m not that worthless or was. May be 93 percent marks wasn't a very remarkable incident 4 others bt it was 4 me surely. It helped realizing me my potential, really , though i think i may never utilize it. FCUK. Same rona again.
Okkkk...so m telling u a nice incident of class 10th which initiated all d process. Though i was counted among good student coz of ma appearance bt i wasn't really a topper material. A new chem teacher came into our class after indrajeet ma'am left the school. Our new teacher was minu ma'am. I just attended her first class and was absent 4 few days coz of my father's illness. When i came after few days it was test that day. I sat among stars of my class and cheated vigorously and also used ma mind at some places. When the next day results were to be announced,our teacher told us there is a student who have got full marks and we had to guess. The names of powerpuff gals of our class were called first. Nay,next hint was he's a boy....then came other name...no again.. And finally my friends called my name. I don't know whether they believed in me or were just tryin to hav fun. But she said yes and asked who is dat boy. I was aghast,really , many of my schoolmates won't remember it ,but it was momento 4 me. I still hav dat copy with me. Later in next few tests when i restored my place i.e low ranker, she told me that she was surprised to see my marks. I thought if she feels m a topper, let it be, then i studied d most gruesome subject chemistry, i scored 78 out of 80 in pre sems...other teachers also started looking at me like a hidden star,fuck actually. i have used this word hidden star coz our maths teacher called me by the name 'chupa rustam' once. she was the same maths teacher who had made a brief appearance in class 8th or 8th in another branch of our school. i still remember that blast. we were given three questions in maths as homework. next day she was asking everybody for the solutions. when she reached to me i said ,"ma'am bas teen question nahi kiye". She pulled her hand backwards and applied all the physics to gain maximum momentum in her hand. the hand was stopped at ma face transferring the whole momentum to my face. you must know change in momentum is force and the force was awesome. that was a brief encounter with her. later chandan sir took her place. never mind ...may be she was used to doing all that...coz she recognized other students of class when she came back in class 10th but not me. every thing that came my way was just accident...nothing planned. Another pleasant experience was NTSE. it was national talent search examination. my brother brought me the form and i was fuming coz i never had the confidence in me. also it was last day and so it was a very hectic submission of form. a group of students was sent for ntse preparation to UP Board. i am going to end it soon...don't panic. the way i have started forgetting things i feel i'll forget all these soon so that's why i am just trying to jot it down. yap, the NTSE classes,it was also a fun i think if not then...its fun now. by my appearance i gave the impression of a very studious child rather a dumb child...i admit dude i was. coz i didn't answered to those questions which no body knew. forget it. our teacher was giving all of us books for preparations...as usual i was a slow person not jumping to have the good book...actually i didn't know about the books also. so at last i was left with a heavy rejected book. i returned home with a heavy bag and heavy heart. all the time i was thinking i was wasting time in those preparations coz i had my board exams also near. before the end of classes he started demanding books 4m all of us...i forgot to bring. and he said ,"beta kya karte ho uska,ek hi piece me hai,bahut moti thi naa,choti to nahi kar di". actually its fun thinking of all that now but it was insulting that time(coz i was dumb,i could have said something...alas i didn't say...just looked at him with sad eyed honesty..fcuk). I got selected in ntse in first round then. no one except me from ma branch and one 4m other branch. everything started changing, teachers started looking as a topper. and ma friends started suspecting me. They said," sala chutiya banata hai, raat me padh leta hai". no malice actually... my friends have always been with me. whether my studies have gone, i have lost, whatever they have been always with me. i knew they never meant that...(sala public post hai accha hi likhna hota hai :) )All those things just pushed me to the line 4m which jumping was the only option, i could never turn back. All that belief, responsibility n fuckin stuff just pushed me. I tell u yaar in the exam of history civics i with my group were roaming as usual one day b4 the exam. We went to make sure to one other student whom we can never understand to ask 4 important. But as usual everything was important acc. To him. We were relieved thinking that one of the subjects apart 4m english is left out in calculatin percent. But i thought i could never score in hindi. Though i was very good in internals coz my techer had the time to read ma views n stories, but no one in board exams. So i decided not to sleep dat night, i just read that history book once overnight. In the end it paid i got 90 in dat subject...many stories r creeping but leave it...later i also got selected in second round in NTSE. I was busted it interview...it was a horrible experience....sachan ki bhasha me bole to....holiii shittt....
When the board results were announced i was the 'topper'....shithead...
I tried to behave like that later but i couldn't coz i was never like that. It was a success by chance...sorry....it was a beautiful accident..take it this way. Many stories are still creeping in....those with my friends...dirty ponds,rain,cricket,cycle n all.......but no more.
After 12th i decided to go alone to kanpur 4 coaching. But nay...i had to experience the experience of my life.....i went with ma childhood friend, siddharth. In the beginning we studied hard and the practice material provided seemed unsufficient. But later what to tell...we 14 0r 15 in kanpur hostel were a family...coaching classes were occasional...and the occasion arrived only when we get bored in the hostel...lot of things to tell about kanpur yaar...i can't take it now.....will write soon...till then njoy ur life....

Diwali...it comes and goes...jst trying to look back...

2009-10-18T01:26:00.001+05:30

Hey i am back...as usual i haven't thought much abt the matter to write here,just started...
Lot of things happened b/w the last post and this one but i won't describe anything in detail. But d most memorable was d visit 2 nainital with friends, truly awesome yaar. All the formations of cloud which i used to see tilting ma head upwards were there below my feet. Hmmm those untouched jungles...truly they seemed , they were untouched. There is a tiffin top above one of the the many hills in nainital. The way to the top was an unevenly road meant for horses only. We 4(the 4 friends) decided to reach the top on legs..ofcourse on our,not of horses. Okkk...the road was spiral around the hill,so it made the distance to top many times greater. So i proposed to my friends to have a shortcut i.e. climb verticall up. As usual i got a cold reply 4m rest of them..i tell u yaar those trees...all the trunks were green with some creepers,and the grass beside the road were tall enough to engulf me..
Yep, after covering 2 or more kms my friends started considering ma suggestion..it wasn't their mind urging them ofcourse...it was there aching as...hihi
I am stopping yaar , i was here to tell u abt diwali and what i am telling. Ok lets conclude that yaar. I forgot to tell u that that was our last venture,before that we had visited all the places there only on legs. It would have been 15 kms already and all either ascending or descending...both requiring to adjust the centre of gravity of our body. Okkk abt shortcut..it was going well until we lost that road of horses..imagine dude sitting at a place where no other human voices are heard, just strange voices of birds and god knows what. I tell i jst felt like jumping in those tall grasses...but i got to my senses back..as soon as i heard few 'sweet words' from the rest of them. I told them not to panic, one simple but heartbreakin option was to trace the way back, n other was to sit quitely and to hear the tapping of horses. We chose the later one, and luckily jst after 5 mins we heard those sounds coming from the right side. We went in that direction and found the road but as we looked above the road we realized we could have easily found the road by simply climbing up more. Though the incident restraind us 4m further experimenting but we found another way which was formed by trodden grass by human legs..definitely the locals...coz no tourist would dare to do that. I am not goin into the details of the beauty of the place..bt awesome. I will upload the picr vry soon. After a long tedious(not 4 me), walk or climbing we reached the top. Actually yaar it was like a cliff, the highest point...you can see himalayas 4m there..really. It was cool bt the suicide pt and lovers' point were better. Ohh i didnt tell abt those places...no time yaar bt i'll sooner or later. It was 5:30 by then and we were lying there as if we had reached da final pt of our life and were in eternal sleep. The sleep wasn't eternal, few words broke into our ears and bang we were on our feet again...the guide or horse rider told us to descend quicky as after 6 horses stop running and bcoz of clouds it would quicky become dark...and then animals will come out. Watta fuck...it took 1 hour even more to reach that point..how da hell we could descend in less than half of that time. He told that from the point we arrived it was longer to reach the top, but ascending from other path would be steeper but lop shorter, due to the formation of the hill..ultimately it was a relief. No not more..actually each n every event ther was an adventure and i need a full one post 2 describe that...
Really yaar if u plan to visit nainital...i am the one to guide...
Shit and lot of shit...its heading is diwali...yaar i was goin back down the lane of memories..got entangled very soon...someday...writing on mobile is like....it has been a quite clean post, so let it be...bye i would definitely describe that visit better later...it was just to make me remember me that i hav to write abt it....okkk no more...happy diwali

Yuva: just do it

2009-09-22T03:37:00.002+05:30

For the first time i have used a very precise title 'yuva' meaning youth. First of all i would like to tell you that my ct's are over now and i have been to Delhi for a change and now i am back in my room. One more thing when i write on my mobile, after few lines the previous text is not visible so sometimes my post may not look cohesive. Its 1:30 am and tomorrow i have classes from 9 : 15 am. Hmmmm lots of time...
So where was i...no not again....
Actually yaar i wanted to write about youth but i don't think i have lot of views about it. I just got the idea when i was reading TOI yesterday. They had mentioned few facts like after 10 years or more(don't remember exactly) our country will bcome lot younger i.e. the average age will fall down. By average age i don't mean the living span but vaguely say percentage of young people will increase. They said India would be lot more progressive as youth will put lot of their force for its upliftment. But i really worry how many people think about their country while fixing their goal.i mean the criteria for choosing their aim has country no where...all which is ther is money and more money.
Actually what to say i wasn't here to convey patriotism yaar, sorry sorry.
Please ignore last few lines. I wasn't here to discuss that.....seriously. I myself had deleted those lines but yaar it takes effort to write on the mobile. I will wait for 26 th jan to write about that.

Youth

I think youth is the most beautiful phase of your life, really dear. Its the most productive and powerful period of your life. These were its physical qualities and about emotional content its the mix of all. Sometimes overflowing happiness n sometimes frustration, sometimes bulls eye approach, sometimes chaos, its the phase when you feel all these no matter what type of person u are . First of lets try to definite its span, may be 17 to 25, say what?? Yaar but speaking frankly, i feel its not proper to limit in a time scale. I think there is no such boundation, u can have all the feelings of youth at any time of your. You may be a service man at 30 or even 40 but you are young when you are with your school n college mates. A grandfather seeks his youth in his grandsons. But friends if we look closely its not the present time that makes a grandfather or a service man feel young, its just the reflection of that time , the time travel to past, the Youth. So why not to make it a memorable affair , why not to do the things which we like the most, why not to question the things rather bluntly accepting them, why not to feel the wind while just sitting in the train, why not to dance, walk, drench ,dip while its rain, why not to have tea with friends at 1:30 am and that too in vain 'coz u wont study either way, u'll sleep again.
I need to stop that train...but i wanted to say lets try doing everything we like. After 3 or 4 years hence we will not regret the things that we haven't done well but the things we haven't attempted. I know you must be thinking where have parents gone ,their dreams n all. I tell u if u carry the responsibilities with fun , it will not only be joyous but better carried. It isn't difficult at all to study yaar, all the college students must be understanding this fact, just keep your concepts upto date and then u can easily crack the exams in a day or two. Just one hour or two are more than enough for this. Try you can easily find these hours in your schedule by cutting some useless bc's. Waise if they were not useless why would u call it bc. Enough
I think you have got it . You can't put studies completely at the bay when u are in college, coz it will then interfere in your other affairs too. And if u get anything interesting in studies(don't look shocked,it is interesting sometimes) scratch it, dig it and get to the root. For eg. there is a subject in my syllabus analog n digital electronics, often we come across these memory cards, ram n all but i never had a hint about their storage mechanism, but yaar first yaar i read flip flops( the basic storage device 1 bit) and then their complex circuits. Though i wasn't able to draw them in the exam but i really found them interesting to read.
Now making my stand safe for studies i can head further. Waise there is nothing more to tell.
One more important thing...all these i am writing doesn't mean i do them impeccably, i just try. And one more thing about patriotism , the theme with which i had started, i wont go unattending that because it would mean i wrote all that by mistake. But dear it wasn't, it has gone a bit deeper in me, so it spurts out sometimes. Just like that we can be patriotic yaar, i think you need not to necessarily put country in your aim to be patriotic.You can be patriotic without seeking some special work to show your patriotism.Just have pride 4 ur country n u will face many crossroads where u can so your solidarity 4 ur country,like going abroad or staying here, standing 4 national anthem or not and lot many petty but important things which can make a large difference in a long run.
shit my 5000 char capacity of mobile has ended, bye

heyy i am writing this line from a pc 2 days later. actually yaar i tried to put lot of thoughts in the above post but may be none got the proper space to cause any impact...
but basically i wanted to sugges to take full usde of youth...no more...that's all.....

Just few days left for CTs(minors)....it doesn't feel anything different...

2009-09-12T02:20:00.001+05:30

Hi...i am back very soon...no wonder its 2:00 am, i was awake to study but i thought to write some resolution sort of thing in my diary but i couldn't search it... It has been long time since i have written anything in my diary, all blame to this blogging...i just chose blog over my diary because its more portable,handy(its on my mobile, 10 paise/post) and ofcourse it has little chance of getting lost, which is the major plus point 4 me...since i think i have become a bit more careless. Actually dear careless is not the exact word i think. 'understress' is the word i suppose. Dont panic i am just telling u what it is. A subject called industrial psychology has been added in our syllabus. One day when i was attending its lecture, it was being tought types of stresses. I didn't had the idea that humans have made different categories in stresses too, how stressful. I always thought stress means that state which dont let u do things efficiently n all that crap, i think u understand. Then i was told it has three types. Yaar its getting boring. Koi nahi mera revise ho raha hai. Ok so where was i...ofcourse..in d hostel...
Three types: understress, optimum stress(eusterss i suppose) n hyper stress. My idea of stress was actually hyper stress which dont let u.....and causes bad effects on health n all the crap. Optimum stress is that which makes u concernful without harming u. I mean u become watchful and work more efficiently. Then came the third category understress....
Characteristics-
1. Careless mistakes
2. Unconcerned
3. Not efficient implementation of plans
4. Below potential performance
and many more

what to say it felt like somebody was telling my characteristics. The things which i thought were cool , that devil may care attitude n all that was actually 'understress'. I tell u it just felt as bad as u are sitting in toilet...ready to wash ur but(t)..but no water...bad example..alas..u can't swallow it even...its smelly..ok spit it...

But dear i wasn't here to tell u this crap..actually i think many of ma friends can easily relate with this crap.. .i wanted to tell u about my preparations yaar...its dismal. See just word was enough to tell my state of preparation. Apart 4m this study stuff i did quite satisfactory things today. Got up early in d morning..chillax morning...it rained entire night..and its still raining. U can imagine i have not switched on my fan. Took many rounds on bike in the college with my friends in the rain. Huuu...mazaa aa gaya tha yaar. Watched cricket match and contributed to india's win in first odi of compaq cup against newzealand.I had promised my hostelmates a cup of tea(the midnight tea) if dravid hits the century. Though he played sufficient no. Of deliveries for making a century but couldn't make sufficient runs to call it a century. 13 out of 47 deliveries(not exact). May be hyperstress, its not easy to make a comeback in indian team when there is so much talent around.
Oh ye kahan aa gaye hum...really dear i cut loose my imagination and chase it by writing. I tell u if i were to write just by speech commands....i dont know i may take u to kargil n all that. Bole to bhatakti aatma...oops darr gaya..watta fcuk...

Okkk...new para new thoughts. How come it can be new thoughts when same stupid is typing again.
Controllll....count 1 to 10...
I am again on my senses. Yes i was telling u about the happenings of today..took introduction 4m few juniors...nothing sort of ragging...but felt good and prideful...m a senior...
Ohhh shit i have to study...
I'll tell u lot later...
One more thing...hmmm...jaane do....or should i...jaane do...next time

bye

Class - 2nd...write an essay on 'A morning'.

2009-09-10T06:24:00.002+05:30

Hi...its 5:30 am. I am fully awake now. I don't remember the last time when i woke up this early. It rained entire night , so its very chillaxx morning. At this time its drizzling. I thought to have a walk at muradnagar station. Its a small station with an overbridge standing on which you can see a long stretch from modinagar to ghaziabad. But i returned back to room as it is really cool with drizzles. The sky is still filled with black puffy clouds. I discarded that thought and now i am waitin for 6:30 am when one of the many dhabas on this NH-?? Highway will open. Its really good to have a hot tea in a cool morning and when its raining too. I can't take everyone with me because my sessionals are commencing few days hence and so everyone would have slept around 2:30 am. I too decided but i couldn't but nevertheless i am awake now. I will take my roomie to dhaba since he too slept at 10 :30 pm last night or atleast pretended to do so. He has collected many video clips and dedicates half an hour b4 sleep watching them(and imagining ????)
I forgot to tell you how i woke up. I was lying on my bed with my face near the window and strong winds now and then deviated the rain drops to my face.

Don't you think...i am writing as if i have been given an essay to write. Actually i wanted to keep everything simple 'coz i have to study too and i don't wanna deviate. But its really cold yaar. I'll try to put substance in my next post. Nöw its time 4 tea and then study. Actually there was no purpose writing this...but i just not wanted to give pause to blogging by my last post...it was like a jumbled array of thoughts..okk no more.
Bye

No topic again....decide by yourself...if u can

2009-09-09T02:13:00.001+05:30

Hi friends , welcome
I am just writing this to gain some concentration which i can use in my studies. I'll leave as soon as i get it...hihi

i just hope u are over with all the important works and relaxing. If u haven't then please go away otherwise u will curse me for wasting ur precious minutes...hihi..one thing more if u wanna read some quality stuff visit vishal's blog in my reading list..and if some crap just like me or a little(of the dimensions of nano or even fermi) better then visit mayank's blog...and if u are in love or want to fall in love(though i'll recommend not to...heyyy don't think kamine ko mili nahi to logo ko bhadka raha hai...lolzz..),then visit bauddhik's blog.
I follow all these blogs and u can easily find them. And one more thing, i wanted to give instructions to my readers. As i see hundreds of comments are pouring , and thousands of hits per week on my blog...it may take time to load the page of my blog, so be patient.. You know what...i cracked a joke in the last line and so u must b laughing by this time...i'll help u doing this...just read the words to follow several times loudly...start...say....hihihihi...now hahahaha...that's it...stop...u are giving complex to monkeys.
Sorry sorry...i'll not do it again. Just bear me for few minutes more and then get to your work. Afterall you will value the good times only if u get it after getting through bad times. I am just providing you that bad time..so that you feel relieved ending this. Really dear i meant that, we often become used to happiness as well as sorrow. If u are getting everything in your life with ease...after some time you will feel like getting some setback , some challenge so that you can achieve vigour , show your strength. Never get used to things in life. By this i don't want to say not to adjust to things...i just mean enjoy happiness , fight sorrow but don't make them ur habit. I don't want to sound like a philosopher but these r really experiences and confessions. If u get used to happiness, when u'll face sorrow u will feel like fish out of water, like bhaiya ji in maharashtra , like baba ramdev in disco....enough, u must have got it. And if u get used to sorrow , u will ask urself in the moments of happiness whether to laugh or not..practice smiling in front of mirror.. The point is enjoy every moment not because its giving you happiness or sorrow...but...because that moment is not to stay for long...or say just till next moment..
I very well know its easy to write and read all this but worst to follow...
Shit where was i...ofcourse in the hostel...u know what to do...
I don't know what to give topic to this chat. It was like chain reaction or antakshari..i just picked up the last word 4m the line and starting building stories out of it.
Yaar i am damn sure u must be sleeping by this time...oops if u were sleeping how would u read this...and if u read this it is not meant 4 u...okkkk control i'll delete this later...bad joke..to mai kya karun..u don't give me money 4 reading this...don't like...don't read.
Sorry sorry waise hi i hav very few readers wo bhi bhaag jayenge(oh no my foreign readers will not be able to understand this...for them...this was a very polite apology). Waise bhi subah kaa bhula shaam ko ghar laut aae to use bhula nahi kahte(bhaad me gae firangi mai nahi karne wala translate). But yaar use kehte kya hain...ok leave it but din bhar kiya kya kamine ne...shit leave it...
Actually dear i tried writing some useful stuff but then it started requiring effort...but 4 crap stuff...it comes naturally.

No more...m ending this conversation...lo aapki smile bhi wapas aa gai. Shit, i started writing all this to gain some concentration to use it in studies. Alas i don't know when i got it....and lost it too... Well no gain no loss..since i started without concentration and ending with same..you must be thinking about the time wasted in between...koi nahi i have lot of time. Waise this theory applies to life too. We are born without a nappy even and while we are living we want to wear the golden underpants never realizing that we have to end with decaying matter. Oops ye to horror ho gaya...joking dear wear what u want....(but remember the end...hihi...dara diya)....
Bye...thanks for bearing me...it was just because of sleepiness...hihihi...i'll not write 4 long...next week...CT(sessionals)...

No title...just a little chat with myself...not for public

2009-08-31T03:04:00.001+05:30

Its 2:15 am. I needed to tell that so that u understand my state...sleepy. Nup, this is not a public post , so don't read. I am saying that as if u will stop reading. Ok if u r still reading this then i will suggest u to take few turns untill u r dizzy so that u r at my par or equivalent to my state.
Today i studied steam turbines in thermodynamics, it was after a really long time when i studied a bit seriously or say just studied. Really felt good, nup, felt very good, as if i have got the degree. I managed to find out some hidden concepts like compressor n turbine r connected with a common shaft. We just have to supply the heat in combustion chamber. Compressor derives its energy 4m turbine. Okk got bored. I know study is boring , bas bade din baad padha tha to emotional ho gaya tha. I hope i will explain it in the class bt very little chances...because its second class in d morning...and its 2:30 am now.
Actually i wanted to tell u lot but dear earlier i was considered very studious , sincere , and all that ingredients which make a perfect student...lolz.. My hindi teacher..mrs sudha pradhan..even called me 'maryadit purush' when i got 93 percent in class 10th...bole to topper...haha. Heyy 'marya......' isn't any bad word, it means 'man of principles'. Sorry if i unknowingly made the fun of Hindi....ohh shutup...okkk...control.... Yeah, so all that things sometimes restrain me from writing few things(..but not from doing)...

Okk..so where was i...ofcourse in d hostel...bad joke...swallow it..ok spit it...
I think i should leave...
Last thing..today i made another time table..very beautiful,looks very nice stuck on the wall in front of me. Going by the time table i am sleeping now...so it might be a dream, quite lively. Actually it is like sleeping , i am not using my brain at this time, need not to tell, my writing must be reflecting that.
Ohh, i wanted to tell u something...where was i...ofcourse in the hostel...haha..bad joke...u know what to do...
O'oo its raining again...i somehow managed to wash my favourite jeans after 3 weeks...it was almost dry but rain is washing it again. May be she knows it wasn't clean well enough...somebody tell her not to rain..i'll not go in the rain at this time.
I needed to tell u something yaar...
Koi nahi...kabhi aur...bye

Encounter with HOD (cheer up readers....not more than one post a week)

2009-08-29T03:08:00.001+05:30

First of all i wanna make the point again that as this post is being posted 4m mobile using t9 dictionary so there may be mistakes...I think there is nothing much special about this post except its title. The title 'Encounter with HOD' gives an impression that this post is going to be very interesting but it was actually nothing sort of an encounter. Ok lets keep it till here.
Now talkin abt the line in bracket which is addressed to readers...one post per week isn't ambiguous but why the readers should cheer about that(i know there aren't much readers,don't grin). Its isn't that if reader won't read my posts he will fall prey to curse. He has always the choice to visit this or not.

Yet i wrote that line because...i know that all of my posts rather most of them aren't interesting...and i wanted to make it clear that i know that...yet i write because..i enjoy it and that is quite a reason for continuing this. My thoughts are very transient i mean if i am subjected to some situation containing many number of roads to get out of it...i would walk inbetween the roads and at the last moment jump into any one of them. So noting my fallacies and confessions provide me a sort of feedback...but for what...i don't think i use these lessons or feed back...

I think i explained the part of title which was in bracket a bit more...rather bytes a more...mb..gb...

I am feeling sleepy but i wanna conclude this. Our HOD told many things such as job security,his own study experience. To say exactly he instilled confidence in us about our branch. Though he didn't tell anything new but it was impressive...though u know ur name quite well..sometimes u want to hear the name from other
people. Not a good example..swallow it.
He told many good things but i don't wanna write. Sorry friends...
At last to sum up his speech in brief..
You urself is responsible 4 each thing happening to u...u are a world in urself..be original...believe...

Hard work pays...the universal truth...he gave d example...u can't reach to rainbow without walkin in the rain...but i would say its better enjoy walkin in the rain..u never know rainbow might fade...or u see a brighter rainbow ahead guarded by another heavy rain.. I think u got it . I mean enjoy the roads to your aim coz when u will reach ur aim after hard work through road, u will find several more roads arising from that. Life never stops...but i should stop.

He told many good things but i can't remember all that....
Lets break...bye

Trying to sleep(Just like an emergency diary entry)

2009-08-26T02:26:00.001+05:30

Hey friends this post is going to be very short i suppose, since its 2 am and i am again writing all this by my mobile. I was not in any mood to write this post but my best friends in nigh, mosquitoes requested me to write something in their praise...i was just trying to sleep but these friends started making love with me biting every part of my body. I was trying to sound funny by the last line but it just tuned out vulgar. Ok i will end this very soon as i have the class tomorrow at 9 :15 am...and i have to wake up at 8 : 30...but i think i can manage if i wake up at 8:45 also..since i waste 15 minutes deciding whether to go or not, which class to attend, whether to laugh today or not...
Dont flee friends i am just concluding it...waise need not to worry there is no one...me and my night...wow wat a coincidence..just now my roomie's phone has started playing the song 'raat hamari to' from parineeta...
Lets conclude...i got interrupted in my sleep by holy creatures mosquitoes..till yesterday i was using ma friend dhakar's mortein liquid mosquito propellant..the machine was his and the liquid refill was mine...i used it for many weeks until yesterday when he managed to get the refill 4m sumbody...
I dont wanna write..but i have to conclude...
I somehow managed yesterday by puttin that refill in my tornado CFL(that twisted one yaar)...though the liquid was evaporating at faster rate in that..but the problm was dat the light had to be switched on whole night..so the idea was discarded today...just now i was trying to heat that refill's cylinder by the stream of smoke 4m dhoop batti...i put the arrangement under the table yet i couldn't get the fine stream of smoke due to fan. But the smoke itself has done quite a wonder...and why not i myself is not able to breathe properly...aur wo to phir bhi macchar hain...oops last line would not be understood by my readers who are residing in other countries... I hope u understand the joke...but who, there is no body other than me and meri tanhai and my mosquitoes too...there are still few...many...bye...tc
don't get disappointed friends i will write someday something useful...waise if u comment i can give u many tricks 4 repelling mosquitoes out of ur dreams...

Love Story

2009-08-24T18:15:00.001+05:30

nup....i am not here to write much..i am feeling dizzy after attending 4 classes back to back
coming straight to the point...i am here to post my friend dhakar's first(may be the last) poetry which he wrote for her very special friend...though the poem is very beautiful(bole to feeling wise)...but the special person to whom he has dedicated this poem don't seem to understand this rather pretend not to understand this....well well well....let's pray for him..since my friend's feelings seem to be quite genuine.
no more chit chat....i am not an author who can make out a story of nothing...but i am able to do this a bit..since i am a uptu student.shit i did it...

no more

here it is.....

EK CHEHRA

kuch to naya hua hai;
kuch to azeeb hua hai,
ek naya sa ehsaas jaga hai;
dil me ek chehra basa hai....

hua hai kuch aisa;
ab hosh nahi hai khud ka;
log kehte hai jise nashaa;
wo nasha ab hume bhi laga hai....

pr wo ek chehra kuch khaas hai;
us chehre k bin sb kuch viraan hai,
kehte hai ye nashaa achha nahi;
pr is nashe k bin ab jina nahi....

wo ek chehra sb ko mile;
pr us chehre ki judaai kisi ko na mile....

ye pyar hai ya nasha;
ye hum nahi jante,
bs ya rubba kuch aisa ho jaye;
uske pyar me ye jeevan fanna ho jaye..........................

if u too find the poem sexy please do comment but on the emali id : king_of_theworld1990@yahoo.co.in

Being invisible ....its not the science

2009-08-22T15:25:00.000+05:30

Heyyyy friends...i can actually say this now since i have got two of my best friends who seem to have lot of spare time in this world...bauddhik and vishal..visit this blog once. it doesn't mean that rest of my friends are involved in some productive work...there are lots of fuckin stuff in this world.
this is the first time i am posting text from pc. this is the netlab of my college and its no better than zoo...rather a digital zoo...and i am a monkey..nup digital monkey...no organic monkey...
i am sorry, i can't concentrate here.
this is the worst start i have ever got..but i always believe if the start is worst, the things to follow are obviously going to be better. okkkk so seeeing the title of this post reminds me what i had to write. i think last line was horribly formed..sorry smita ma'am(ma english teacher).. so being invisible...its not the science

actually its nothing yaar just one of my holy experiences..
O'dear it isn't such a major incident that i can write a post on it..but being a uptu student i know how to make stories out of nothing...we practice it in semester exams...

don't go friends...shayad kuch achha dimag me aa jaae...actually friends i never preview my posts,they all are spontaneous thoughts so there may be lot of errors and brokken lines

setting it straight..i was just attending my numerical technique lab..as usual i was late n all the systems were occupied so i stood in the last row..where the faculties stand and watch...and then two girls of my class remember my class stood up and politely asked..."sir...can we sit here" i told them obviously they can but they have to ask the real faculty...shit...this is being invisible in class or to girls or what...don't apologise shayad ek yaa do jaanti hongi...lol... Seriously yaar it wasn't very pleasing though i smiled at that time...tryin to look fuuny rather stupid...it has been almost three weeks since our new class and it isn't very less time..no i am not emotional..actually i am smiling and writing...though i may not be a recent visitor to the class,not a hunk,not so chirpy but wat d fcuk they were doin during introductions....okkkkk controllllllll......
yeah so this is being invisible.....though this is not science,physics actually....but it can easily be correlated with science....just like a substance is invisible in a medium only if it has got the same refractive index as that of the medium...i mean a substance invisible in a medium will not be invisible in other medium of different refractive index....same case here friends...... i may be invisi8ble to few but not so with others...try walking with me on streets...every policeman will ask your identity...why i don't know???? may be that dangling way of walking...those sad pair of eyes which give the impression of drunkard....in kanpur too pappu bhaiya(something like hostel warden)asked just too me whether i drunk....rather he was telling me than asking....shit i did it....its fine those eyes are my birth possession and anything given by god isn't bad..though there is no god like thing...confused...no don't be...its my copyright..to be confused...i am sorry...nothing worthy in this post till end...it could have been better...but this zooooo.......okkkkk bye

Beautiful night sky...wish i could fly

2009-08-14T02:39:00.001+05:30

Posted from mobile

Heyyy yaaron....this is my another post and that too very soon..actually i am addressing to nobody but myself. Yes i am here to describe the night sky above me at the present time. Our hostel building is under construction for adding one more floor to accomodate more and more students....i'll not waste your precious time...nevertheless i'll mention again that if you have the time to visit ma blog them you have all the time in this world...ok setting it straight...i am lying below sky and its 2 am i think. I was here to sleep but why to waste the beautiful night when you have got a free lousy day to follow. The night sky is like a vast ocean so deep so vast but shows very little at the surface. Its partially clouded but the cool breeze seems to whisper some songs of rain drops. We don't have backup , if rain comes it would be quite difficult to escape as there are no stairs to the terrace. Even though its almost dark throughout, few streaks rather plates or flakes or you may call them cloud dunes (very similar to sand dunes ) here and there with somewhat reddish tinge are making the sky appear a beautiful painting. I also saw few birds individuals or in very small groups flying across the sky..dunno what is upto them. No suprise birds also elope with their loved ones haha lol. The stars are not visible today yet the sky seems very familiar to me . Its the same as it was ,when i watched it in lucknow in the anticipation of rain, when i watched it in allahabad travelling via train , when i watched it in kanpur with a cigarette in hand.bad.bad.

First warning of battery low on ma mobile.

Oops i recieved first drop of rain too just over the forehead. No wonder rain recognises me too. She is just touching my forehead to make sure i am alright. Its not strange because i have been with rain from the age when the feeling of possessiveness for my loved ones came into me, may when i was 8 or 9. Its a long time relationship dear... I have spent lot of time with rain along with my friends. I with ma friends used to leave no water body available unstirred when it would rain whether it is ganga river, gomati, ponds, little streams or even the overflowed drains along roadside...shit..i did it....but no regret even a bit...love mera hit hit...lagta hai neend ka asar dimag pe ho raha hai...i should leave now. I recieved the third warning of low battery. Actually i got deviated from the topic. Koi nahi kabhi aur... Bye

Life is a perpetual change~accept it

2009-08-13T12:33:00.001+05:30

Posted from mobile

I am back, this time i have bunked 2 classes before lunch, so i have ample time now to write.

Its true,life is an ever changing process. I am in second year of b.tech and i have experienced drastic changes around me...

Everything has changed...thoughts, relations , principles ,places even weather conditions...huh..
School has changed into a mighty college..
School buddies have changed into next gen friends..innocent faces into smokers(...errr)...
From children to boys...to men even...
Favorite past time no longer cricket..bc is a better option..
Lucknow changed to kanpur and then ghaziabad...
Breaks have turned into bunks...
Holidays have turned into massbunks...
3 hrs beautiful journey into 9 hrs headache...
Window seat in the train to sleeper berth and even no berth n seat at all..
Midday cricket has changed into midday sleeps and early night sleeps to early morning sleeps..sleep conservation..right..
Homework has changed into tutorials...may be extinct at all...
Visits to relatives have changed into visits to home...very less frequency...
Worries for cricket match results into semester results...later requires less effort though...
Movies into films of completely different genre...both mean same though, one need to read between the lines...
Snake game in father's mobile to hell lot of pc and mobile games...self mobile...
Bye..i am sleepy

Ideal Approach to Engineering Study

2009-08-11T14:55:00.001+05:30

Posted from mobile...

The title of this post may suggest that its about how to tackle engineering studies and all. But dear friends how can i tell you all this, i am writing this post after bunking my class. I am writing all this as if i am addressing thousands of people...never mind when i'll become famous...people will visit it...lol. It was just a joke...don't feel as if some hidden pain bursted out. Nop, you won't understand. I am sorry i can't write about the topic because i don't know it myself.

I am sorry for killing your time....i am going to sleep...it isn't that i was trying to appear funny or witty by this post, actually i was serious to write something about engineering studies but no use dear...one who needs all this may never use it and one who knows all this will never read this...i belong to the first category.

I am UNPREDICTABLE..i myself don't know what i am going to do next..but here i am writing about approach to engineering.

1. Whatever you plan to do after B.tech job or higher studies...be positive.
2. Always work for your health as getting placed after b.tech shouldn't be the ultimate aim. You cant enjoy your job and capital investments if you don't have the good health.
3. Even if you plan to pursue higher studies and not to get in the job try getting job as it will prove backup if your plans backfire or don't get the reality in them.
4. Never panic through your b.tech since there are just the stairs. If you tremble here you can't move ahead.
5. Never worry about marks, there is always the next chance :-)
6. I am reinforcing that don't study for getting good percentage but for the things you always liked for the being you always dreamt to become , photographer, writer, etc. You can achieve all this only if you have a base and job as a backup.
7. You can make your decision of pursuing b.tech fruitful only if you study. Though this statemen is quite stereotype but its true dear. If you do not study well them it will not just mean that you aren't interested in studies but also disinterested in your life in your decisions.
8. Always have the space for yourself in the masses belive in yourself and your thoughts. You are not what the bone and flesh have given you a structure but the thoughts which dwell in you, so stay honest to your feelings and thoughts and so to yourself.
9. My last advice may not be applied to all. Viewers discretion required. Hmmmmm never get into love sort of things...its waste of mind dear....i'll not say waste of time, because you must have lot of time of time if you have the time reading this crap and also not waste of money because no matter who your father is you are still a student...yearning for free treats .lol.... Killing time with buddies is a better option...no more..sorry for errors..thanks t9 dictionary...bye

Just an usual diary entry...

2009-08-10T19:13:00.001+05:30

Just resting after attending 7 classes...u should know eee branch in engineering isn't fun and attending all the classes even tougher. Yep..i am quite in double mindedness rather triple and many minds. I don't know what should be my approach to studies...should i study so that i get just enough marks suitable for job interviews n all or i should study for knowledge. I know no one thinks this fuckin stuff at all and they good too...but what to say its me. I can't do the mindless mugging because i don't have the ability to do so...to say honestly my memorizing power has diminished quite a bit or may be it has become selective...i can remember few things only..no ghajini effect..lol..i know i didn't crack any witty joke but may be i would laugh at it when 5-6 years hence...ok i'll try to give it the end with some useful lines...but what...i don't have any topics to discuss... And one more thing, i sometimes feel why i don't change, why i am so careless , ok if i am then why do i regret it later...actually speaking truly i don't regret it..it's others who make me feel about all that. To be true i want to live life in my own way..just like how i am...unkempt hairs, awaiting disasters till last second and then taking decisions, impulsiveness. I will conclude later.....bye

Journey continues

2009-08-04T20:03:00.000+05:30

Post from mobile

What to say i am back again with my new post very soon..my adventures of journey doesn't seem to end..after lots of efforts i finally got a seat to sit..but d joy didn't last 4 much time..abt one and a half hour...i was sitting with ease when i met my senior..final year. After a little talk i sat casually and he stood with grave thoughts. Though i wasn't neither afraid..shit..no way near to afraid..i offered him the seat and he accepted it without any gratitude. Now i regret it a bit coz there is still 2 and a half hours journey left...waise it is preplanned most probably i'll get the seat in kanpur which is half an hour distant...lets see...bye..enjoy...just now m very happy atlast ma blog appears in google search..great..i'll elaborate it in next blog...

Journey to remember

2009-08-04T19:49:00.001+05:30

03:56pm Tue 04-08-2009

A journey to remember

Yep, i am back with another post..this time i am writing it in a train..gomati express..i am standing since last three hours and sure to continue this for another five hours..nothing to cheer about. As usual this was also one of my spontaneous plans . My life has been always like this-raw and unplanned , i pray that someday i would change, but there is very little hope actually. It isn't that i would learn it by some major setback, i have good through all that but i can't change myself. This is me and i am always like this. Actually i am very careless too. It was quite apparent that i will go to lucknow on this day since everybody had got there reservations and i can not stay in hostel alone. Yet i didn't care. I am writing because i am suffering now but i am pretty sure next time i will repeat it since i had good through this before too on diwali holidays. This was the most ugly post. Lets break, i am going.

Life is a race or not ???

2009-07-30T13:24:00.001+05:30

Its a lunch time after four classes and i am just relaxing in my room. The last class was mass bunked so i got ample time to have a short nap. But i would prefer to write something...again my favourite topic...life...

Somewhere i read life is a race. That means i am running since i am living. But it becomes really difficult to run when one doesn't know where the track ends. And so is with life since life is a race. It becomes really difficult to live when one doesn't know his aim in life...saying that i can't say now that i don't have my aim..but actually i am still looking for it..may be this is what for which i am running...
Whatever i just know..may be i won't be the winner in the race...everybody knows...running matters..huh...i always fool myself :-) ....time is over and i am feeling like having another rest ,another bunk... No one visits ma blog and that makes it more useful for me..its like my personal diary...May be after few years when i leave college...these would be the best pages on web for me...great bye...

Safe Start

2009-07-23T01:20:00.001+05:30

I am here again with my new post. Here i am going to write a poetry type thing which i created about one and a half year ago. It was my maths coaching class by one of the famous vishnoi brothers of kakadeo, kanpur. I was sitting on the last row and that too in the corner with my room mate and a very good friend siddharth.This was one of the very rare moments as we believed in self study and generally stayed at the hostel....actually just believed, never did. Just like you can drag a donkey to the pond , but you cant force him drink the water , we were present there just physically. Siddharth was sleeping and i was dreaming. Actually an entire blog can be dedicated to 'My misadventures of kanpur'. Lets it end it now. I don't know if it would be in proper formatting....but here it is...

WHENEVER I WALK ALONE , I FEEL YOUR PRESENCE.
WHENEVER I STRETCH MY HAND , I FEEL THAT TOUCH AGAIN.
WHENEVER ITS SUNNY I FEEL ITS RAIN.
O'DEAR ITS NOT STRANGE, 'COZ YOU ARE ALWAYS AROUND ME , IN MY HEART , IN MY VEIN.

Will be posting new thoughts soon till that bear this...

Apology

2009-07-23T00:49:00.001+05:30

This is my habit of writing apology at the start of any diary. I always apologise to my diary at the start for wasting its pages and the future course of horrible writing. Though the case here is different, world wide web has got lots of pages..but what to do, habit is habit. Though i'll try my best to write something useful but sorry again if my work has a tinge of cheap sms's. One thing more ,i'll be mostly writing the posts on mobile using t9 dictionary. So don't panic if 'stars are visible at might' rather 'night'. Also my posts wont be lengthy too...since i run out of grave and intelligent thoughts very shortly and start appearing goofy i.e. my real self. Actually i shouldn't be writing all this because there won't be many rather any to read all this. But just like meteorological department can't predict rain , sensex can't predict gain,u never know when... i may change. I am feeling that i am regaining my real form , so i should leave now. I'll be soon posting my new thoughts till then bear this.....