hi

Hi I am writing again after a long time…not because I was out of thoughts but coz I was messed up by hell lot of thoughts. And every thought was a contradiction of last one. may be I wanted a better start since I am writing after a long time. But no…this time I am not writing to prove anything. I am just writing because writing eases me. Past few months I was using facebook to vent my thoughts or fucking philosophies, but now I think blogger is a better mean. Though the best is to write in a diary but I have left that at home…okkkkk….irritating…i know this post is sounding irritating but its easing for myself. I am telling you this post will not conclude with any meaningful thought so if u r a busy person plz say a good bye…..
Aaah wat to tell..there are few things which I really want to share wid somebody but doing that will aggravate d prblm, so I think its better to bury them and move on. But still since I am here after a long time I will share few things so that I can use them as bookmark when I want to look back into my life in later part of my life. Honestly speaking I want to write lot but I don’t want to be called a fucking philosopher or in plain words bakchod. I know I am here for engineering and not to observe inanimate things and finding emotions in them. But I cant help its natural for me I think. And about engineering I don’t say I don’t like it , actually it was always my dream to be a good engineer, but I never knew there is a new trend of engineer cum diplomat cum bureaucrat cum presenter cum dude cum…and don’t know how many things. Honestly speaking I don’t want to study to get good marks so that I can get a good job in mnc no matter what things I have to do, not at all concerned with the things I studied for four years . if I study I want that to be relevant in later part of my life. And I know I am just dreaming , talking ideal things. I know you must be thinking to just slap me and say be practical….but…you know I know everything…I suppose….yet I do the things which I shouldn’t do.
That’s it…….that was frustrating parag…  now I think I am normal…. Actually I too advice everybody about lot of things but when it comes to myself I am lost. I make presentations of mechanical branches take interest in c programs, search circuit diagrams on google to repair my subwoofers…do the practicals with intent…..yet I am not engineer coz when it comes to lapace integration differentiation mathematical treatment of theories I suck. I know d mathematical treatment is d only tool to prove validity of these theories after practicals. But …………..may be I just don’t want to make effort…may be after completing btech I may realize btech was my cup of tea I never tasted coz of d fear of it being salty…I don’t know…….
One more thing you might be thinking I am frustrated most of d tyms..but it aint true . actually I write only when I am in mess…when I am happy..most of d times…coz I don’t need big reasons for a silly smile…even a 5 rs ice candy can do for me…I don’t write when I am normal…
Now I am telling you the reason for these fucking thoughts. Yesterday I met a junior…a fresher… I had met him in lucknow through my friend cp earlier. He was having problem in adjusting in a hostel he had allotted. He wanted to leave that. He had already deposited 10k rs there . and the owner wasn’t returning the amount and rightly so coz he had a bond signed by his father that with some fucking terms and conditions. He was willing to live in my hostel forbidding that amount. I am not too much in profit loss things but living outside home for 3yrs I have realized money may not be motivation for you but its obviously a necessity and 10k is not a penny. So I asked him his problems in that hostel. He said loneliness , boys abuse , smoke. He was having problem in adjusting with them and was apprehensive dat his 10 or 15 days may get wasted….fuck. just a one word I thought about him…nautanki…I talked to his father too to explain him that his problems weren’t real. But he too wasn’t willing to understand coz …..i don’t want to explain nything now….just that… in the end I was able to make both of them understand rather three of them I talked to his mother too. But in consoling them I had to take d responsibility of his studies  as if I am a topper. But I can explain you anything just gimme the book…okkkk but the worst thing wasn’t this. In explaining the boy..i said few rather many ideal things…which when I later thought and..i was like…phir se jhantu philosophies…I said many things like…for 18 years ur father was lukin aftr u..it was his duty to make you happy..now its over dear nw the things have to be reciprocated…now u have to do the things to make them happy. If u will tell home about ur problems they will just get tensed without any solution…try to adjust…try to do things ur own way. And later I was like shittttttttttttt….though I take my decisions by myself don’t blame others for nything…but honestly I don’t think much about home…otherwise I wud have studied…and many more things…I don’t want to repeat them I am again getting dat mood..i wanted to share many things…but I think its enough for a sound sleep for several days. I have dumped lot of fucking thoughts though the text may show little there was lot in my mind which has nw been vented. U have to read between the lines……………………………………
Bye
It was mess…I confess…….