Unusual Chat With Someone

hi its around 3 am and i am typing on my friend vishwendra's laptop.first thing its nothing about any particular topic...its just one of many soliloquoys unexpressed but this one expressed...soliloquoy...hmmm i read that word in julius caesar

today i really feel very relaxed because i am just done with my presemesters. like lot many exams it was again very adventurous.actually this was one one of the experiences which i want to note so as to take lesson and not repeat the mistakes in future...just joking yaar...i have become accustomed to waking up in night due to my last six days happenings...its 3:05 am and i think i can still stretch my eye balls for another hour..i don't know if the last expression 'stretching the eye ball' successfully conveyed to you the meaning forcibly waking up...shit..koi nahi shuru to huaa...

okkkk...last six days...7th december to 12th december...to describe in a single word...hell
they were my presem days. i had went home for preparing and returned just 2 days before the exams. leave alone preparation i couldn't even buy the books there.waise no regrets i spent quality time there. as i returned to hostel i could sense the smell of books everywhere. I could feel the void before thunderstorm. there were two days still left for the exams and few had aleady started studying the subject on first day of exams.though i was laughing with my friends sitting there at 'dhaba' but inside i was shrinking. to even reduce the volume one of them asked...'koi masti nahi bata kine subject kiye, bina kuch padhe to tu fail ho jaaega'. i said none and gave them the proof that i didn't have the book. it wasn't that their thought about my preparations could do any good to my preparations but in the bad circumstances ,if there are people around you who undersand your problem, is a bit relief even if they don't console you directly...ufff i stated that as if it was some tsunami type tragedy but it was indeed...

i know i will read this later, even though its crap,when i will leave the college and at that time time this will be like photographs of these events, also when i will cross the age of 30,40 or 80(not more than that ,i wanna die young and 80 isn't too old yaar) its other thing i will need microscope at 80 to read all this...oops where was i...as i say...ofcourse in the hostel...
heyyy my readers please can i just write a few lines contemporary to the years when i'll become 80...
so the few lines to follow are relevant to me at 80, i mean...need not to explain...i know what i mean...its for me

yeah so parag at 80...how does it feel, how do you do, i mean can u still run very fast,now you are straining your eyes on this palm top reading this 60 years old post, earlier you used to finish a book in a single day??? how does it feel dear parag at 80 and yes how are your friends, are they all intact, its very good you quit smoking 60 years before and see even at 80 you seem to be a strong man..do you know the time u were writing this post you were in your dirty room, the room beside 'muskan' restaurant and wearing the same jeans which you washed just once in your third semester and that too accidentally. Must be feeling very nostalgic i think. do You remember , before writing this post you had watched two movies back to back...paa and twilight. paa...the same one with auro...twilight...vampires....
You have forgotten every thing yaar...no yaar...but sir...you are 80 ,reading this post and i was 20 while writing this post.
So parag at 80 really tell me do you miss your life at 20?
do you remember your careless days, unplanned travels, one night preparation
do you remember all your college and school mates?
do you remember all your girlfriend's names??
don't worry if you don't remember this....coz i don't think you had any.....
do you remember how brutally you killed time but later became a stable person(may be after 3rd sem)...
One thing more do you want to go back at 20 at wanna make some changes in your previous life???
please tell me if u want...coz it will get changed...i am here at 20 to do the changes..you at 80 will see them...
Don't worry dear whatever you did was good because it was done by you...also a journey without obstacles is worthless...
so dear parag at 80...how it feels to move your legs so heavily...considering you could walk miles without exhaustion when you were 20...its life don't worry
now you say 'hey raam' while going to bed never knowing which sleep might turn out your eternal sleep..do you remember what things you would imagined on bed when you were 20...if you don't...koi nahi its of no use to you.
Now you start shivering in rain but do you remember when you were 20 you didn't miss any rain, even in winters...you were lucky when you were 20...
Now sitting here staring at the window you must be thinking it was just heaven, a world full of obstacles yet opportunities. You are realizing now that you were wasting time if you were thinking about past when you were 20...coz everything becomes 'past' one day...and if you waste your present time, it becomes a painful past...wasting doesn't mean not doing study...it means not doing anything...just try to find the meaning of your every moment...

Shit utter chaos......i am just ending it here. I have lost track of my mind. I don't know i am 20 or 80. But one thing for sure : ITS BETTER TO IMAGINE YOURSELF IN FUTURE AND THINK WHAT CHANGES YOU CAN MAKE IN PRESENT TO REACH THAT FUTURE , THAN JUST PEEPING IN THE PAST AND THINKING ABOUT THE CHANGES YOU COULD HAVE MADE IN PAST WHICH YOU CAN'T CHANGE NOW.
Real life doesn't support UNDO command........

I am ending this......it was fun talking to myself at 80...seemed quite satisfied person...and why not...he had got a beautiful past...which is my present.

I'll try to live better...thanks parag at 80...now you go to sleep...if you have to change anything in your past just come in my dream...i'll do it for you...hmmmmmmm nice Time Machine

Bye, will try to write something worthy next time...but it was...
Never stop imagining....

Take care...parag at 80...


Parag